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Saturday 21 November 2015

प्रतिबिम्ब



सर्दियों का मौसम आख़िर आ ही गया. यूँ तो मुझे हमेशा से ही कड़ाके की ठण्ड का इंतज़ार रहा है, पर ये महीना तो जैसे मेरे ही लिए बना है। नवंबर के आखिरी दिन और दिसंबर की दस्तक जैसे मेरे मन को सुकून देने के लिए आते हैं। और रातें … उनसे तो हर मौसम में गहरा नाता होता है। मेरी सुबह तो रात को ही होती है। पर वो रात कुछ अलग थी। अलग इसलिए नहीं कि हर रात की तरह मन की हर परत झंझावातों से दूर अनगिनत दिशाओं में जाकर कुछ पल के लिए ही सही सुकून तलाश कर रही थी, बल्कि इसलिए क्योंकि मैं एक ऐसे सफ़र पर जा रही थी जिसका परिणाम जो भी होता, पर सफ़र बहुत अलग था। हमेशा से ज़्यादा लम्बा।

रात के दो बज रहे थे। धुंध के कारण फ़्लाईट तीन घंटे देरी से निकलने वाली थी। और मैं अकेली दिल्ली एयरपोर्ट पर बैठी कभी अपने साथ लाई हुई किताब को पढ़ रही थी तो कभी आस पास के इक्का दुक्का लोगों को ग़ौर से देख रही थी। सोच रही थी कि क्या ये सब भी मन के अथाह वेग को दबाकर बस यूँ ही मुखौटा लगाए हुए थे या किसी के पास इतना समय था कि वह अपने असली स्वरुप का सामना करता और ये देखता कि मिथ्या और दिखावे की पराकाष्ठा के तले उनका अस्तित्व घुट घुट कर मर रहा था। पर शायद मेरी तरह किसी को वहाँ ना तो इतनी फ़ुर्सत थी और न ही कोई ऐसा सोचता।

सभी अपने मोह के संसार को असली समझकर सुखी दिखाई दे रहे थे। मुझसे कुछ दूरी पर एक अधेड़ उम्र के सज्जन गर्म कपड़ों में कैद नींद के झोंकों से जूझ रहे थे। उनसे कुछ और दूरी पर एक नवविवाहित जोड़ा शायद अपनी ही दुनिया में खोया था। अलबत्ता इसमें मैं अपना दोष मान सकती थी कि मैं एक अलग ही दुनिया के विचारों को प्राणवायु दे रही थी, और यही कारण था कि हमेशा की तरह उस रात भी मुझे ख़ुद को याद दिलाना पड़ रहा था कि मैं इसी दुनिया में हूँ, अब भी। जब कहीं कोई तार सुलझता हुआ ना दिखा, तो कुछ देर के लिए आँखें बंद कर लीं।

अचानक ऐसा लगा जैसे किसी ने आवाज़ दी, मेरा नाम लेकर। एक अनजान शहर के अनजान कोने में अपना नाम सुनना अजीब लगा, पर अनसुना न कर सकी। देखा तो मेरे बगल वाली जगह पर एक बुज़ुर्ग महिला थीं। मुझे यह देखकर आश्चर्य हुआ कि उन्होंने गर्म कपड़े नहीं पहने थे। चेहरे पर उम्र का असर तो था पर एक अलग सा तेज उनकी ओर आकर्षित कर रहा था।उन्हें अपनी तरफ देखते हुए देखकर शंका हुई कि वो कोई संदिग्ध व्यक्ति तो नहीं। यूँ भी किस्सों और अख़बारों में बहुत कुछ पढ़ रखा था। पर वे तो मुस्कुरा रही थीं। मैंने भी हल्के से मुस्कुराकर उनका अभिवादन किया। उनके हाथ में एक पेन और कागज़ था पर वे कुछ ढूँढ़ रही थीं।

"क्या मैं तुम्हारी किताब ले सकती हूँ कुछ देर के लिए ?", उन्होंने पूछा।


"जी मैं वैसे भी पढ़ चुकी हूँ, अगर आपको अच्छी लगे तो ", मैंने उनकी ओर किताब बढ़ाते हुए कहा।


" Paulo Coelho, तुम्हारी पीढ़ी के लोग आम तौर पर पढ़ते नहीं दिखते इनकी किताबें ", उन्होंने कहा और किताब को कागज़ के नीचे रखकर उस पर कुछ लिखा। फ़िर किताब मुझे लौटा दी।


"मैं खुद को आसानी से जोड़ लेती हूँ इनकी किताबों से, और मुझे लगता है और भी कई लोग"।


"अक्सर लोग किताबों में अनसुलझे सवालों के जवाब ढूँढ़ते हैं "।


"जी?!", मुझे उनका यह वाक्य डरा गया। एक पल के लिए ऐसा लगा जैसे वे मुझे जानती हों। अगले ही पल खुद को सँभालते हुए मैंने कहा , "शायद हाँ पर मुझे लगता है कि लोग अपने जैसे विचार रखने वालों को जानना चाहते हैं बस या फिर यह देखना चाहते हैं कि उनके विचार और किस दिशा में जा सकते हैं "।

"क्या तुम यह मानती हो कि लोग अपने विचार निष्कपट तरीके से रखते हैं? क्या तुम्हें नहीं लगता कि हर सच्चे विचार के पीछे भी कोई कारण, कोई लोभ, पहचान बनाने की इच्छा, प्रभाव छोड़ना, रिश्ते बनाना … और ना जाने कितने और पहलू छिपे होते हैं, जो शायद हम इसलिए नहीं देखते, क्योंकि कहीं ना कहीं हम भी ऐसा करते हैं?"

मैंने उन्हें ध्यान से देखा। कहने को तो उनकी बात एक कड़वा सच थी पर सच तो थी। पर मैं अपने अंदर उठे अंतर्विरोध को रोक न सकी और बोल पड़ी, "तो क्या आपको लगता है कि दुनिया में मासूमियत और सच्चाई नहीं है? क्या विश्वास नाम की चीज़ इस दुनिया को अलविदा कह चुकी है?"

"मैंने यह तो नहीं कहा कि अच्छाई और सच दुनिया में अब नहीं है। मैं तो सिर्फ़ यह कह रही हूँ कि कहीं ना कहीं हम सब इस का हिस्सा हैं"।

"दरअसल मैं यह मानती हूँ कि हम सब में अच्छाई और बुराई दोनों हैं। हम किसे ख़ुद पर हावी होने देते हैं वो हमें दूसरों से अलग करता है। अच्छे और बुरे दोनों ही तरह के कर्मों का फ़ल सभी को मिलता है। पर हम अविश्वास में तो नहीं जी सकते। वैसे ही इंसान अपने जीवन में इतना परेशान रहता है", मैंने जवाब में कहा।

"तुम यह भी कह रही हो कि जीवन में परेशानियाँ होती हैं और यह भी कि अविश्वास और संदेह में जीवन नहीं गुज़ारा जा सकता। तो क्या तुम यह दिल से कह रही हो?"

मैं चुप रही, उस पल मुझे लगा कि मैं शायद ख़ुद को ही गलत साबित कर रही थी।

वे आगे बोलीं ,"तुम्हारी चुप्पी से मैं यह मान सकती हूँ कि तुम्हें मेरी पहली बात पर विश्वास है। हम सच बोलते समय भी थोड़े से बेईमान होते हैं, इसका यह मतलब तो नहीं कि सच्चाई ख़त्म हो गई है। जैसा कि तुमने कहा अच्छाई और बुराई दोनों रहती हैं दुनिया में, और यह हम पर निर्भर करता है कि हम ख़ुद पर किसे हावी होने देते हैं। तो मतलब साफ़ है हम पवित्र भी हैं और मैले भी। और ये जो द्वंद्व हमारे मन में चलता है, इसका महत्व यही है कि हम सचेत रहें कि हम क्या चुन रहे हैं। कहीं हमारी किसी बात, हमारे किसी निर्णय से किसी का बुरा तो नहीं हो रहा।इसी अंतर्द्वंद्व के साथ अपने अच्छे और बुरे दोनों रूपों को मान लेना यही तो जीवन है। और जीवन को इसी जुनून के साथ जीना चाहिए। ऐसे बहुत कम लोग होते हैं जो इन बातों पर सोचते हैं और जो सोचते हैं, वही भीड़ से अलग होते हैं, वही कुछ करना चाहते हैं। जो लोग आस पास की छोटी छोटी बातों के पीछे का मतलब भी समझते हैं, ऐसे लोग भीड़ में कभी नहीं मिलेंगे तुम्हें। वे गलत होते हुए नहीं देख सकते क्योंकि उन्हें पता है कि उसका परिणाम बुरा होगा। जब वे सही होते हैं तब वे कभी झुकते या टूटते नहीं हैं, पर जब गलत होते हैं तो झुककर न सिर्फ़ अपनी गलतियों को मानते हैं, बल्कि उन्हें सुधारने की, सज़ा भुगतने की, प्रायश्चित करने की हिम्मत भी रखते हैं।"

मैं प्रत्युत्तर में मुस्कुराई, "पर अगर ऐसे लोग इतने संवेदनशील होते हैं तो तकलीफ़ का एक बड़ा हिस्सा भी तो उन्हीं को मिलता है। हम अच्छाई का रास्ता चुनते हैं, कभी किसी का बुरा न होने देते हैं न करते हैं, पर जो बुरा हमारे साथ होता है, जिसके लिए हम कुछ नहीं कर पाते, क्या वह घुटन, वह तड़प, दिल में कहीं एक गाँठ बनकर जीना मुश्किल नहीं कर देती?"

"मुझे ख़ुशी हुई कि तुम अब पूरा सच बोल रही हो जैसा तुम्हें लगता है। हाँ तकलीफ़ का बड़ा हिस्सा फिर हमें मिलता है, लेकिन अब जो तुमने सबसे पहले मुझसे कहा था अच्छाई का रास्ता हम स्वयं चुनते हैं, और यही हमें सबसे अलग बनाता है, हम परिणाम नहीं देखते इसका, यही लड़ाई जो हमारे अंदर चलती है और हमें अपने निर्णय लेने की शक्ति देती है, यही वह है जो हमें हमारे रास्ते पर चलने के लिए प्रेरित करती है। और ऐसे ही लोग कभी अपने रास्ते से पीछे नहीं हटते। इसके लिए बहुत हिम्मत चाहिए और जो ऐसा करते हैं वही तो बहादुर होते हैं। असली वीरता बाहर की लड़ाई जीतने में नहीं, मन के अंदर की लड़ाई जीतने में है। उसे समझने में है, और सच कहूँ तो ऐसा करने वाले विरले ही मिलते हैं। बहुत से तो बीच में ही सही रास्ता छोड़कर आसान वाला चुन लेते हैं। पर ये तो एक तपस्या है, जिसे परिणाम तक पहुँचाने के लिए त्याग, धैर्य, और साहस चाहिए..... "

"पर परिणाम न मिला तो? यदि कोई कारण ही न हो किसी बात के होने का? यदि अंत ही न समझ आए तो?"

"परिणाम न मिले ऐसा तो होता ही नहीं, और इस दुनिया में हर बात, हर चीज़ का कारण होता है। बिना वजह कुछ नहीं होता यहाँ। हमें सिर्फ धैर्य रखना होता है जब तक वो कारण पता चले। कभी न कभी कारण और अंत दोनों समझ में आ जाते हैं -- हर उस बात के लिए जो तुमसे कभी कहीं जुड़ी रही हो। तुम मानती हो ना कि हम सब में दोनों ही तरह के गुण होते हैं, और कर्मों का फ़ल सबको मिलता है। क्या रावण पूरी तरह बुरा था? उसके अच्छे गुणों के कारण वह इतना प्रभावशाली और बुद्धिमान था कि आज भी उसे विद्वानों में गिना जाता है , पर उसे उसके अहंकार और दुष्कर्मों का परिणाम अंततः मिला । और क्या श्रीराम पूरी तरह अच्छे थे? मर्यादापुरुषोत्तम और प्रतापी होने के बाद भी वे सीता पर अपने द्वारा किए गए अन्याय का फ़ल उनसे अलग होने के संताप में भुगतते रहे। क्या वे सुखी थे? पांडवों को भी अपने अन्यायों का परिणाम मिला पर सत्कर्मों का फ़ल भी मिला। क्या द्रौपदी को कौरवों का अपमान करने का फ़ल नहीं मिला और क्या कौरवों को अपनी असहिष्णुता की सज़ा नहीं मिली? विश्वास और समय सब देता है। लेकिन यह सोचकर कि बुरे लोगों को उनके कर्मों का फ़ल मिलता नहीं दिख रहा, तुम अपने सिद्धांतों पर अफ़सोस तो नहीं करोगी।"

मैं उनकी बातों से प्रभावित हुए बिना ना रह सकी।

"जी नहीं, मैं अफ़सोस नहीं करती। ना ही अपने सिद्धांतों पर, ना ही अपने निर्णयों पर। हर गलती से कुछ ना कुछ सीखा ही है मैंने।"

"बेटी यही तो जीवन का मूलमंत्र है। अपने रास्ते पर चलते जाओ, और किसी का बुरा ना करो। समय सबको उनका प्रतिबिम्ब दिखा ही देता है। मूर्खों और पाखण्डियों को देखकर हमें अपने रास्ते पर गर्व करना चाहिए कि हम उनसे कितने अलग हैं। और वैसे भी तुम मुझे हार मानने वालों में से लगती नहीं। अन्यथा इतनी सर्दी में अकेली आधी रात को यहाँ क्या कर रही होती। कुछ इतना ज़रूरी है जिसे तुम टालना नहीं चाहती। पर शायद कोई ऐसा सवाल तुम्हें परेशान कर रहा है जिसका जवाब तुम कभी किताब में तो कभी आस पास ढूँढ़ रही हो, क्योंकि जहाँ तुम जा रही हो, वहाँ तुम जाना नहीं चाहती।"

मैं स्तब्ध रह गई। वे मेरा मन कैसे पढ़ सकती हैं! मेरा चेहरा देखकर उन्होंने कहा,"अब तुम्हारे मन की बात तुमसे बिना पूछे कहने के लिए माफ़ी चाहती हूँ। पर चिंता मत करो, तुम गलत नहीं हो। और जहाँ तुम नहीं जाना चाहती, वहाँ जाने की ज़रूरत नहीं पड़ेगी।"

"वो कैसे?" मैं और कुछ न पूछ सकी। अंतर्यामी लग रहीं थीं वे मुझे।

वे मुस्कुराकर सामने डिस्प्ले बोर्ड की ओर देखकर बोलीं,"कुछ सवालों के जवाब तुम पहले से जानती हो, हमेशा से। उन्हें कहीं ढूँढ़ो मत। वो तुम्हारे अंदर ही हैं, इंतज़ार कर रहे हैं खोजे जाने का, उनसे भागो मत।"

वे उठकर चल दीं।

"पर आप हैं कौन?" मैंने पूछा।

"मेरे चलने का समय हो गया है। ऐसी ही रहना। बहुत अच्छा लगा तुमसे बात करके। जैसा कि मैंने कहा कुछ सवालों के जवाब तुम पहले से जानती हो।"

*********************************************************************************

'दिल्ली से जाने वाली सभी उड़ानें मौसम ख़राब होने की वजह से आज रद्द कर दी गई हैं । असुविधा के लिए खेद है।'

उद्घोषणा सुनकर मैंने आँखें खोलीं तो समझ में आया कि मेरी फ़्लाईट रद्द हो चुकी थी। मैं मुस्कुरा दी। मुझे उनकी बात याद आई। मैंने आस पास देखा तो वही गिने चुने लोग थे जो मेरी आँखें बंद होने से पहले थे। वे कहीं दिखाई ना दीं। इतनी जल्दी तो कोई गायब भी नहीं हो सकता था। मैंने समझने की कोशिश की कि मेरे साथ क्या हुआ था। थोड़ी देर तक होश में रहने के बाद मैंने सोचा कि यह बातचीत शायद मेरे अंतर्मन में थी। अचंभित महसूस करते हुए मैंने अपनी किताब बैग में रखने के लिए ज्यों ही उठाई, उसके ऊपर रखे गए काग़ज़ पर उकेरे गए शब्दों की छाप मुझे दिखी ---- "प्रतिबिम्ब"।

मैंने तय कर लिया कि मैं वह यात्रा नहीं करना चाहती थी और इसकी ज़रूरत भी नहीं थी। बहुत से सवाल, बहुत से जवाब, और बहुत से द्वंद्व अकेले बस इसी तरह बाकी थे, पर अब मुझे पता था कि मैं क्या करना चाहती थी। सर्द हवा को सुकून से चेहरे पर महसूस करते हुए जब मैं एयरपोर्ट से बाहर निकली तो एक बार फ़िर पीछे मुड़कर देखा, ऐसा लगा जैसे वे मुझे देख सकती थीं। मुझे समझ ना आया कि वे महिला कौन थीं --- मेरी कल्पना, कोई सपना, सच या फ़िर मेरा प्रतिबिम्ब…

Sunday 1 November 2015

Words



Words as plain as one wishes the obstacles to be,
Words as strong as one wishes the desires to be,
Words as peaceful as one wishes the aurora to be,
Words as deep as one wishes the impact to be,
Words as mesmerizing as one wishes the dreams to be,
Words as raw as one wishes the passions to be,
Words as hopeful as one wishes the days to be,
Words as beautiful as one wishes the heart to be,
Words as soulful as one wishes the moments to be,
Words as profound as one wishes the imaginations to be,
I write words, mere words, to pour all that my soul says,
It is just a matter of words for I know nothing better right now,
And I write words to express the voice of my own heart,
And somewhere I wish those words play their part well,
By reaching out to souls who read them sometimes,
Yes somewhere I wish to bring peace to souls which read them,
Words that might seem soothing to those souls I wish,
Words that might show them who they are and who they want to be,
Words that would pull them out of the darkness they live in,
Words that would reduce the dilemma of their souls,
Words that will show me my own roads out of the fog,
I write words, mere words, to pour all that my soul says,
And to be the voice of souls which seek their strengths.
Sometimes when everything around me seems hopeless,
When I don't find peace inside my soul for a single second,
When there is too much that seems to rush through it,
I wonder about all that I had always wanted to do,
It gives me sometime to think about how I can still bring peace,
And I find that if I forget my own dreams that will never be true,
There is so much still left to be done for that desired peace,
I realize life is too short to do it all at once,
Yet I can give it a try, doing as much as I can,
There is so much to find out, so much to write,
There are so many places to visit in my solitude,
And when I wonder about those places I find,
That words might be the instruments I play with,
Yet I cannot put everything that is felt in words,
There is so much magic in this world yet unknown,
It exists for some and remains absent for others,
And of those stories behind everything,
The wind, the beauty, the bliss, the river, the clouds,
The pains, the smiles, the love, the turmoil, the hopes,
I cannot put everything into words with which I play,
Because words do not support me always,
I am a weak human being at times,
Who cannot use their beauty to express it all,
Life is too short to write about everything,
And I am just another traveller attempting to do some of it,
Whom the world might never remember,
But one day I will have written some of it through words.

फ़र्क



सवाल सही फैसले लेने का नहीं, आत्मा की आवाज़ सुनने का है,
गलत और सही में बस एक यही फ़र्क है,

सवाल आगे बढ़ने का नहीं, अपने समय के इंतज़ार का है,
प्रतिशोध और न्याय में बस एक यही फ़र्क है,

सवाल विचारों का नहीं, उन्हें ना कह पाने की जिज्ञासा का है,
काबिलियत और नीयत में बस एक यही फ़र्क है,

सवाल सामने दिखे मंज़र का नहीं, उसके पीछे की कहानी जानने का है,
मिथ्या और सच्चाई में बस एक यही फ़र्क  है,

सवाल अनसुनी कहानियों का नहीं, दिल की बातों का है,
अंधविश्वास और विश्वास में बस एक यही फ़र्क है,

सवाल पाने या खोने का नहीं, जीने की वजह का है,
मोहब्बत और इबादत में बस एक यही फ़र्क है,

सवाल गलतियों को माफ़ करने का नहीं, उन्हें मान लेने का है,
सज़ा और प्रायश्चित में बस एक यही फ़र्क  है, 

सवाल समय के बदलाव का नहीं, मासूम से सपनों की यादों का है,
कोशिशों और वादों में बस एक यही फ़र्क है,

सवाल साथ रहने का नहीं, साथ चलने का है,
मंज़िलों और रास्तों में बस एक यही फ़र्क  है,

सवाल एक अनकही कहानी का नहीं, जज़्बातों की सच्चाई का है,
ज़िद और जुनून में बस एक यही फ़र्क  है,

सवाल अंतर्मन के झंझावातों से जीतने का नहीं, उनसे जूझकर खुद को ढूंढने का है,
जीत और हार में बस एक यही फ़र्क  है

Friday 30 October 2015

Petrichor



Petrichor is the smell of the soil after it rains on parched Earth. It soothens the soul, so that is the idea behind this poem.

I found a story to be read,
Hidden inside a locked cell,
Beneath the sheets that were shred,
Leaving the world with none to tell.

The words seemed familiar,
So did the incidents I found,
I wondered if mine were similar,
I decided to avoid going around.

Deep inside I wished it was a call,
To pursue my journey like before,
To make me stand when I could fall,
To soothen my soul like a petrichor.

Somewhere far away a dream was born,
A dream of hopes, faith and fame,
As it grew, odds pulled it to be torn,
Somewhere far away I heard a name.

The name seemed familiar,
So did the hopes I found,
I wondered if mine were similar,
I decided to avoid going around.

Deep inside I wished it was a call,
To pursue my journey like before,
To make me stand when I could fall,
To soothen my soul like a petrichor.

The joys, the screams, the tears, the glee,
The rising and falling of a warrior,
I pictured the moments trying to flee,
Crossing time beyond every barrier.

The warrior seemed familiar,
So did the moments I watched,
I wondered if mine were similar,
I decided to avoid going around.

Deep inside I wished it was a call,
To pursue my journey like before,
To make me stand when I could fall,
To soothen my soul like a petrichor.

The night witnessed secret whispers,
Which haunted through silent echoes,
Trying to heal invisible blisters,
Awake to differentiate friends and foes.

The whispers and night seemed familiar,
So did the blisters I found,
I wondered if mine were similar,
I decided to avoid going around.

Deep inside I wished it was a call,
To pursue my journey like before,
To make me stand when I could fall,
To soothen my soul like a petrichor.

The innocence and corners of childhood,
Seeming far away into a far off world,
The journeys and battles of adulthood,
Ready to plunge being whirled.

The corners of the world seemed familiar,
So did the journeys and battles I found,
I wondered if mine were similar,
I decided to avoid going around.

Deep inside I wished it was a call,
To pursue my journey like before,
To make me stand when I could fall,
To soothen my soul like a petrichor.

Somewhere unsaid goodbyes followed,
Choked gulps and unacknowledged love,
Stabs and pain inside that hollowed,
Hearts which wished to remain above.

The love and pain seemed familiar,
So did the hearts and wishes I found,
I wondered if mine were similar,
I decided to avoid going around.

Deep inside I wished it was a call,
To pursue my journey like before,
To make me stand when I could fall,
To soothen my soul like a petrichor.

The uncertainties and mysteries that remained,
The baffled attempts to find the clues,
The rains, the chills, the miracles, the faith refrained,
A warrior from giving up in the blues.

The mysteries seemed familiar,
So did the faith and miracles I found,
I wondered if mine were similar,
I decided to avoid going around.

Deep inside I still wish there is a call,
To pursue my journey like before,
To make me stand when I could fall,
To soothen my soul like a petrichor.

Wednesday 28 October 2015

Turbulence

Turbulence in the waves,
Disturbing the silent breeze,
I wander alone at such nights,
In search of some peace.

When the world sleeps,
I am born waking up anew,
Pursuing my eternal journey,
Faith alive out of the blue.

Worlds open their doors to me,
Answers, dreams, universes merge,
I live as somebody I know,
Through conflicts of mind I emerge.

Inseparable

Never known, would never know,
When life gets divided into two,
Before and after it happened,
Such was it when I met him.

I remain, and so does he,
A part of him that lives in me,
A part of me that he took away,
Impossible to be replaced or repaired.

Through the silence and guilt,
Of words and promises,
Of goodbyes and returns,
Fulfilled and incomplete.

I remain, and so does he,
A part of him that lives in me,
A part of me that he took away,
Impossible to be replaced or repaired.

When nights haunt me,
When days pass by in hopes,
All through my uncertainties,
When I find myself again.

I remain and so does he,
A part of him that lives in me,
A part of me that he took away,
Impossible to be replaced or repaired.

When my breaths go slow,
When I pant in my battle,
Wondering if our journey,
Still would start together.

I remain and so does he,
A part of him that lives in me,
A part of me that he took away,
Impossible to be replaced or repaired.


Saturday 26 September 2015

Sillage



*This piece of work has been included in the publication of the International Hall Of Poets.*

I wake up and get ready for another day,
Trying to let my soul find the desired way,
I look at myself now and ask," Who are you?"
Someone from the dark watches me out of the blue.

I walk outside to find a world made of crowd,
Where everyone remains bizzare yet feels proud,
I see people around me laughing and talking,
To me they seem to rush through their walking,

Sometimes they remind me of a part of my past,
Which I always learned would never last,
When I smile and accept this as a sillage,
I find myself being haunted by an image.

I see a child believing in unearthly miracles,
I see victories draped in mist that is empirical,
I see dreams paving their way into her heart,
To me they seem to redirect a wishful start.

Sometimes they remind me of a part of my past,
Which I always learned would never last,
When I smile and accept this as a sillage,
I find myself being haunted by an image.

I see a girl living in the world with innocence,
With friends, joys, love marking their presence,
I hear denials, betrayals, lies in cacophony,
To me they sound like a distant euphony.

Sometimes they remind me of a part of my past,
Which I always learned would never last,
When I smile and accept this as a sillage,
I find myself being haunted by an image.

I see companions masked to hide a demon,
I see conspiracies executed by freemen,
I witness defeats meant to kill the spirit,
To me they become a stubborn merit.

Sometimes they remind me of a part of my past,
Which I always learned would never last,
When I smile and accept this as a sillage,
I find myself being haunted by an image.

I write words, draw unseen pictures,
I visit places, sing of caricatures,
I feel worn out yet alive from inside,
To me they resonate where dreams reside.

Sometimes they remind me of a part of my past,
Which I always learned would never last,
When I smile and accept this as a sillage,
I find myself being haunted by an image.

I remember the unanswered questions,
I remember the unquestioned answers,
The silent razbliuto of a warrior that I have been,
To me it seems more like a tacenda once seen.

Sometimes they remind me of a part of my past,
Which I always learned would never last,
When I smile and accept this as a sillage,
I find myself being haunted by an image.

I feel heavy with memories, desires and fears,
I realize that I have been strong enough these years,
I look at myself now and ask," Who are you?"
Someone from the dark watches me out of the blue.

I try to figure out who it is and call out again,
My words seem to echo in the dark all in vain,
I can hear myself asking the same over and over,
I seek answers myself all this time together.

As I cannot handle the echoes anymore,
I answer myself by narrating from the core,
The moments I lived, the stories I shared,
The wounds, joys, memories, autumns for which I cared.

The echo no longer seems to haunt the darkness,
Instead I see myself coming out in brightness,
I look at myself now and ask, "Who are you?"
I see myself watching me out of the blue.

The silence is broken as I hear myself say,
"If what defines you is only the story on your way,
Through what you've lived, and who you've been,
What would you answer for what is not yet seen?"

I find an answer to the question "Who are you?",
Beyond those stories what remains of me anew,
I now smile and accept this as a sillage,
No longer do I find myself being haunted by an image.


Sunday 24 May 2015

Unprecedented, Undefined yet Undeniable.. Love..



They say, at some point in your life you will experience a feeling which you have neither experienced before that point nor will you experience after it. There will be a vacant space for that particular feeling, and you will never know about it. You will always feel that you don't have enough words to be able to express this feeling because it is so deep, so vast and resides within you like your soul which cannot be defined in this world--the existence of which expands beyond this life as well. Maybe, someday when you are wise enough, you will realize that you had been blessed to live the most beautiful feeling created by God in this universe. And it might strike you that you never noticed the little aspects about yourself when you felt that way because it was so obvious. Maybe someday when you are thinking something completely out of the context, totally irrelevant, you will find a small detail, a memory, that will bring that buried feeling up and you will feel the same again. You will find who you have become just because you were changed forever inside out, in some way, that will stay with you forever.

You will have the urge to say it but you won't. You will love in the purest and the most divine form which you will explore each day when you fall more in love wherever you remain, no matter how many years have passed by, since you first felt that way. You may not be able to figure out how. You will know that it wouldn't be difficult to speak in any language of the world, yet you wouldn't. Even though, many people would have said it before to husbands, wives, friends, fathers, mothers, children and soul mates. Yet, it will be difficult. Because you would want it to mean something in a way that there are no other words for it that you would find.

You would realize that you've never done it halfheartedly and too often, because you would have loved them for knowing you inside out like nobody else has known before, or at least you would hope that they love you, or could learn to love you, or are beginning to love you. And you would love them for all the ways  they are themselves, for just being them, which might be weird but maybe that's why you will love them. You would love them even when they tear your heart apart, or when they reject you for unknown reasons, or when they make you suffer more and more, or when they are unsure of themselves which makes them put you down. You would love them more and more for everything that they offer you. You wouldn't realize that you love them anyway, and would want them with you, no matter how, when and why, because everything that made you love them would make you want to be with them and that feeling would overpower any other thought. You would just love them, which will make you hope and dream of everything that they have said to you or haven't yet said to you, or fear to acknowledge to you and to themselves. You would find yourself reading their minds even when they refuse to do so.

You will find that you have always loved them, even though they might have walked away because love has many forms which neither you nor they would have known completely when you were together, and you would still want to find out those forms for loving them. You would love them for being with you always, for making you who you are today and when you carry this part of yours in the world, even if they don't remain with you, you'll be carrying a part of them with you inside your existence. You would love them because you have fallen for them every second since you have known them for everything they are and they could be, even when they didn't know themselves, even when they were not aware of their own fears, even when they didn't know how to act, You would love them for everything. You would love them for all that they have been to you and to this world, when you have known them the most, inside out, for their innocence, for the little harmless devil inside them, for their brutality towards you, for their love, or for the angel inside them who chose to bless this world always. You would love them for the miracle they have been to you, which would have changed your existence and removed your sufferings forever. You would love them no matter where you remain, whom you meet and what you do because they are growing inside you each day even if they don't know. You would love them for every little thing you would have talked about together, and whenever you write something no matter how irrelevant, whenever you read something, or whenever you listen to some music that you both would have talked about or visit a place relevant to you, or watch a movie you both would have talked about or meet somebody you both know, or even do something that reminds you of them, you would still love them for the journey you have imagined; for those unexplored ventures and those unseen adventures on roads that you would love to traverse with them as your companion, your best traveller for the warrior who you are now. You would love them for those innocent moments in your memories that you would have lived together and can always look upto each other to live in life, no matter when you two would meet after years.

You would love them during the darkest hours, when it rains hard, when the sun shines too much, when the winter gets too chilly, when the summer doesn't seem to end, through the nights of loss to the mornings of drowsiness, through the moments of being a nobody to the hours of winning the world, through the endless ages you have to live, even if they don't love you back; because you have seen that light of your soul mate in them and you would know it is nobody else. They may never think so but you are still going to love them this way even if you two don't remain together physically. You would love them wherever you remain, even if you both never meet again. You would love them in every moment whether you remain in a crowd basking in your glory or in solitude wondering about your roads. You would love them through days and nights, seasons and weathers, when you watch the world with its lights or people, or when the breeze wavers through your hair, or when the drops touch your soul, You would live them through their blessed presence. You would love them through every wish, every dream, every passion of yours which will remain relevant to them in some way always. You would love them when you travel in this world as who they have made you. You would love them for the innocence in them which didn't allow them to think of living this love, but moved them to carry it as the most beautiful asset of a pure bond called friendship. You are still going to fall for them each moment more and more as you live them and this love that happened to you unknowingly. You are going to love them even if they are not your first love because you would know they had to be your truest and the last one, to be lived forever, because you would know now that they had been sent for you, that they are your soul mate, even if they don't think of falling for you in the same way. And if they ever needed your hand, you would always be there for them in any way they wanted. You would love them not just because you fell for them unknowingly, but also for the human being they are, for the most trustworthy and the best friend you found in life who can never think ill of you and will always be there to hold you, that nobody else would be, even if you are at different places not in touch for long because you have known each other, your secrets, your desires, your stories throughout your lives, your little wishes and every single thing about your being the most, like you wouldn't share with anybody else now. You would love them for making you find your strengths, for making you see your beauty as well as flaws, for protecting you in their divine ways, for caring like only they would do. You would love them for the similarities, coincidences, miracles and blessings between you both which changed you and your life and the way you live completely, which made you take a step inside yourself and into the world for others. You would love them because they gave you your faith back when you needed it the most. You would love them for trusting you when nobody did, when the whole world stood against you, when you were in depths. You would love them for making you believe that you could be a great friend, that you could be a great lover too, that you could stand in the world strongly for your beliefs such that you won't need anybody. You would love them for making you see beyond the world into insights that only both of you will know as secret friends.

And all this would occur to you maybe on a silent evening when you are strolling around, or in the hustle and bustle of your regular life, or maybe when you are just trying to turn the pages with a sense of wisdom, that they touched you like nobody else would. You wouldn’t know if you’ll reach out to them and tell them how you needed them all these years. You would wonder if they will say it back, and to be honest, you wouldn’t know if they even thought about you all this time the way you did. Expecting them to love you just because you do would feel like too much pressure, a little greedy. You wouldn't know where you stand on the track of love being patient and kind type that everyone has been devoted to for so many untold years, but you would want love to be a little bit selfish anyway. You would want them for your own, for you to love. You would want to be the only person who loves them this way. You would dream about everything again and want all of these things with them — but, in the deepest of your heart, you would want them to be happy, even if they’re happier when they’re not loving you, and you'll submit yourself to that risk again.

Love is taking chances, and trusting someone else, and being honest when they know very well that it could shatter you or come up in your face five minutes or seven days or 20 years down the line. You would want to tell them that you love them and they could never say it back, or they could realize that this is going somewhere they don’t want to go, or they want to let you down easily and you just raised the stand, or maybe they love you like a friend and just don’t love you. There are a thousand different things that could happen. There are a thousand different possibilities on the line. Love changes everything.

You could tell them in all the roundabout ways, You could mention it haphazardly, You could say it for the first time when they are sleeping and it doesn’t count because they don’t hear you — but at least the pressure would be off, maybe a little. You could tell them that you love what they write, or how you look when you smile in an innocent or naughty way, or that one thing you do for everybody, or how they share this bond with you, or that you love their secrets, or the way they speak about anything and everything to you, or how they remember the smallest of details about everyone they meet or what they did, or that you love their habits and their opinions even if you don't agree with some of them at times, or that you want to be a part of their existence even if this existence is mortal and by the unsaid extension of all of these things, that you love them.

So you might tell them that you love them, and you are going to find the words (even though you’ve already found them, really) and you’ll be nervous and unsure, and deep down maybe you’d like to hear them back. You’d be lying if you said that wouldn’t be nice. Because if you love someone, you should let them know they say, but I wonder if the people who have said that over the years realized that letting someone know you love them exists in all the spaces between the words, in all the things you do for each other, in all the ways you look at each other and are kind and patient and true, in all the moments when you find yourself thinking about them and hoping that they’re happy, in all the moments when they were not sure if they would be loved back by the same person, or in moments of uncertainties when they did not know whether to wait for that love or to accept that they will never be loved back by the one they love, in those moments when out of a totally irrelevant context and out of nowhere, for no reason but because it is an inseparable part of them, they feel the strongest presence of that love with them, which seems to bloom inside their hearts, as if they parallely live in some isolated world known only to them and that love, like the ones they have shown you, even when they physically exist in a world that is far away from theirs.

You might still love them when you grow old and find them somewhere at the dusk of your lives, thanking them for the way they taught you to find your way on your journey through your strengths. You might love them for being a part of your journey by their abstract presence in your being, for being a friend, a child, a teacher, a blessing, a miracle and every possible form of affection for you. You might love them for those numerous memories and moments of innocent bond that you have shared, for those enchanting mid nights which kept you awake for those beautiful secrets, similarities and coincidences that have been with you ever since you both met, the reasons for which you do not know.

You might tell them that you love them. You know the words, and how to say them, and everything that they mean to you and them. You are going to love them even if they don't love you because you know they are the only one for you. You will realize that the only thing that was left to do, then, was finding your voice. So may be, you will not tell them that you love them. May be, You will live this beautiful world of love within yourself and would love to be with them the way you have been, as a blessing. Because more than love, you are going to live blissfully in the bond that you have shared in this cosmos as the purest, the most innocent,  the most divine and the most beautiful form of any human relationship on this Earth. You might love them even after ages, across many lives because you will be sure you have always loved them in every life of yours. And in some part, they might remember you as a person who happened to be somebody they knew, You are going to love them for that too. And someday may be when you are thinking of all this, they will realize too, that the undefined space that was irreplaceable in their hearts, reserved only for you, but gone unprecedented, was something they had denied to define as love.

Saturday 16 May 2015

How I Wish I Were...



How I wish I were an Albatross,
One which could fly high in the sky,
Crossing oceans separated by barriers,
While merging into the essence of travelling to different places..

How I wish I were a feather,
Forgetting what it meant to be bound to land,
Living the eternal bliss of dreams,
And then making my own way through the wind...

How I wish I were a frozen cloud,
Being born in the sky somewhere,
And then melting down to some point,
To reach my eternal destination...

How I wish I were a wave,
Resting for sometime on a forgotten ship,
Crashing against the shore in a minute,
And sweeping back to the ocean in another one..

How I wish I were a rainbow,
Setting in with the rainfall,
Growing through the sunshine,
Making millions of dreams come true...

How I wish I were a river,
Rolling stones as I keep flowing,
While bending around rocks,
Nurturing lives as I live myself...

How I wish I were a star,
Living in a paradise high up,
Making innocence survive through beliefs,
Falling down to prove the faith...

How I wish I were a ship,
Being lost in a stagnant sea,
And then setting off to nowhere,
Being lost in the sounds of waves...

How I wish I were a leaf,
Witnessing the world around,
And then being blown somewhere,
To find myself getting reborn..

How I wish I were the wind,
Soothing every soul I meet,
Reviving each heart in the story,
Living different stories every moment...

How I wish I were a mountain,
Being strong enough to survive storms,
Growing a land around myself,
Making ways for warriors like me...

How I wish I were a forest,
Hiding secrets since centuries,
Being lost under covers of silence,
Revealing all to real seekers like me..

How I wish I were a lighthouse,
Guiding lost sailors in storms,
Projecting myself for dreamers,
Being a milestone in the ocean...

How I wish I were the night,
Watching the world go to sleep,
Wondering about the cosmos,
When I stay awake for them....

How I wish I were a feeling,
The one which completes humans in depth,
From ecstatic blessings to sorrows,
The one which remained forever....

How I wish I were a story,
Creating a never-ending chain of stories within,
The one which could not be bound to worldly instances,
The one which would always be remembered...

How I wish I were a moment in time,
Revisiting a memory lane to relive it,
Carrying within me a lifetime of happiness,
While living eternally in this universe...


Tuesday 31 March 2015

Feminism? Really? Errr... Open Your Eyes!



Dear Newborn Feminists(primarily out of social media),

The social media including all your favourite hangout networks is flooded either with inspirational videos about how women need to fight against men or with pictures and open letters bringing all men into a circle of suspicion, remorse, guilt just because they are men--hence, chauvinists. All men around you are rapists. They always have to do something to offend women. Oh yes, they are born to dictate us and we have to fight against them. After all, it is the 21st Century, we have been given the freedom to protest, to speak, to fight and why not fight these men and tell the world how great we are. Yes, we have public platforms. Just go on and on about how weak, tortured, molested we are by each and every man out there. These men--they never want to watch us rise because of the built-in ego. Men will always be chauvinists. We are the light. We will be the saviours. We are feminists.

Hold on! Do you even know what feminism means? Or for that matter, what even chauvinism portrays?

Male Chauvinism is nothing but the belief that women are inferior to men, and should not be allowed to enjoy the status of equality and rights as men would do. Before I get into the scenarios where you might experience male chauvinism, let me take you around yourself for a while. Do you have male friends, colleagues or teachers whom you've known for a while? How many of them are rapists, or for that matter, objectify you personally and make you feel uncomfortable? Have they ever denied you of any social privileges that you would want to enjoy? (In fact, you might have been given special privileges at times). Come a little closer to yourself now. Have you known your father or your brother? Do they look at you or at other women with a sense of objectification? Have they harassed anybody? Does your mother feel insecure and downtrodden for her rights with them? How about your husband or your soul mate? Does he deny you of your personal space or rights? Do you live according to his choices? Has he made your life no less than that of a slave?

If your answer is no, then you are most welcome to read further. Women, no doubt are being given freedom so much more than they used to get 50 years back, to the extent that they might even misuse it freely. Of course this was needed to bring them at par with their counterparts socially, economically, personally, judicially. That is what Feminism means, isn't it? It was absolutely correct to bring feminism into light. Equality of rights for women, as it says, and it is nothing more than that. You are surely at par if you analyze. You can take your own decisions, you can study, make friends, love, marry, visit people, explore the world as per your desires. It is good, isn't it? You can work as per your own wish and build a professional life for yourselves. Ask your mother if she enjoyed the same freedom and you'll know how blessed you are. Obviously, your daughters will get more freedom than you do, because each generation of parents will be more understanding than the previous one.

If you are raised in an atmosphere of equality, so has your brother been, and if your mother has supported you with this, so has your father. They are men, if you remember. And just like your family, every other family has raised their children in the light of this atmosphere, the extent of which, may vary, but the foundation remains the same. These men, who come out of some families, are not all chauvinists. Look around yourself and observe. They understand feminism, they support women. They know the importance of working in collaboration with women rather than pushing them to the darkness. They are aware that giving equal freedom to women is going to light their own society in some way.Our mothers were not foolish to sacrifice for our families. A strong lady does not need special privileges. She can stand for justice and fight against injustice. She is aware of her responsibilities and knows how to nurture the society despite the odds, rather than being rebellious unnecessarily to show her strengths.

But wait! You are a newborn feminist. You have to fight against men because of some incidents which prove that men belong to that filth-covered race, which objectifies women. Who gave them that point to do so? You did, didn't you? And you target all of them, because your families and friends don't have such men. Haven't you tried to take your freedom for granted at times? Surely, those are your choices, but ignoring the norms of a society which works on co-dependence is not really smart. I do not say that men are as noble as angels, but we all have demons and angels inside us, and we keep learning everyday to remain as angels. Justice needs to be demanded and fought for, no doubt, whether for men or women, but not at the cost of the whole race, which diminishes the innocent people too.

You might have chauvinists around you too, and they need to be taught a lesson for sure. But do you think writing open letters, making videos which inspire women to be rebellious at unnecessary instances, or by abusing men will do any good to those who suffer, men or women. If you do not want to change your surname, share your household chores, stay out till late, have your own life, that is a matter of mutual understanding between you and your better half. But if you want to have sex with whosoever you want to, and not bring your child(his too) into the world, it has to be a choice, not based simply on your opinion. He has an equal say in that. And that doesn't make him a chauvinist at all. If you blindly want to follow your choices for the sake of freedom, please don't ruin anybody else's life for that. With the trend of any burning issue going viral, you may have the freedom to support it blindly, but you cannot ignore the insensibility in doing so. If you party somewhere and forget the social norms, you are independent. If a man does that and stops you, he is a chauvinist. You can abuse men because they are dogs. What message are you giving to the generation that looks up to you? Rebellion towards everything that leads to loneliness, breaking of families, more social vices in the name of modern culture--everything in the name of the so-called feminism? Oh please! Go and learn what it is first. If your choice can affect and ruin somebody else's life, then it isn't solely your choice for sure.

This whole hyped-war of feminism for fighting against men in every possible way, looked exciting when you were a teen. But have you ever seen your parents being concerned about it? Just imagine how your days would have been if everyday you heard this conversation at home--

 Your Mom- "You are such a male chauvinist! You never let me do anything."

 Your Dad- " Oh it is you who is a feminist. You never understood me."

Ever heard that! No. Because your parents know the fact that they are mutually dependent on each other. They have accepted that equality is for both the genders and they have to play their parts well. They know that women and men are strong in their own ways and they don't need to prove it to each other childishly. And that is how they have brought you up too. Then why the hype when you consider yourself to be a grown up? This world will be a better place if you work towards making it thus, and believe.

Now you might surely remind me of the multiple rape incidents across the nation or of molestation that you might have faced as a child. You might even say that women are still not safe because decent men are even more advanced and objectify women silently. True! I agree that men are like that, but there is a difference between being cautious and being rebellious. You might even remind me of the numerous women in the remote areas who still haven't been touched by this wave of 'freedom for women' in any sense at all.  So what difference will writing open letters or making rebellious videos make to them? Feminism has a lot to do with their lives too, which apparently, is not concerned only with choices, dresses, sex, or partners. They have more serious problems to deal with, and such messages are more like "Tales Of Arabian Nights" for them. If you really want to work for feminism to bring all women at par with men, step out of your comfort zones and do something outside the screen, rather than trying to show how superior, different, outspoken you are. Fight against injustice equally when men get tortured or when women take advantage of their freedom too. Walk together and you will see how much support you get from those around you(from men too).That would be some feminism.


Yours Strangely,
A Woman(Feminist Too).